RedDoor Publishing’s Memoir Writing Weekend
I am just home from leading RedDoor Publishing’s memoir writing weekend at the West Rocks hotel in Eastbourne. And, oh my goodness, what an uplifting and inspiring weekend it was! Eleven writers came along, 10 women and one man. Four of them had booked the starter kit, which included a one-to-one session with me. The others were further along in their writing and wanted time and space to write, plus the option of some guidance where they felt they needed it.
On Friday we gathered and introduced ourselves. Some people were bursting with their stories and held small groups in their thrall. Others talked about their writing journey, where they were at and where they wanted to be. Others simply absorbed. In the evening we had a splendid three-course dinner, followed by a frank and amusing talk from RedDoor author Dorit Oliver-Wolff. Her memoir From Yellow Star to Pop Star tells of her life as a singer and holocaust survivor. Dorit is a RedDoor author and a force of nature. You can read more about her here.
On Saturday morning, I led two workshops. My goal is never to be prescriptive – each story and each way of telling it is unique – but to give some guidance, some leaping off points.
The first workshop was on the three types of writing in memoir:
- The What Happened
- The Context
- The Emotional Impact
These three strands are so important, in my opinion. If one is missing, a reader may not know which, but they will feel that something is off. You might want to inspire them to question their own lives, experiences and feelings but you don’t want to leave them with questions about yours. As memoirist and tutor Mary Karr says of Michael Herr’s Vietnam memoir Dispatches: “He creates an intimate psychic space – a mind perceiving and remembering and analysing and pondering with such variety that we cleave to it.” Or as Nicole Scherzinger might say: “Write your heart out!”
You want to give your reader, be they family and friends or a wider audience, a satisfying read. Take them into your life and into your mind and give them a tour, using these three essential types of writing: what went on, how that came to be, how it made you feel and decisions you made as a result.
I started first by dispelling the myth of writers’ block. You just have to write, and you have to write your way through the mess of the first draft. End of. “Do, or don’t do, there is no try.” Yoda said that, or words similar. He’s so wise that I know he’s right even though I’ve never seen Star Wars…
Then, after some explanation and examples read from a favourite memoir of mine, Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas, all the delegates put pen or pencil to paper. Sharing was optional and four writers volunteered. I was so impressed by their bravery and deeply touched by what I heard. The way they wrote showed me that they had deep self-awareness. This is crucial in memoir. It’s an exercise in searching the soul and it takes time and thought. We need perspective on what we’ve lived so that we can share it thoughtfully and with authenticity. Beautiful, clear language and neat dialogue was employed. A spilled cup of tea was written about with delicate poignancy. There was a magical atmosphere of intimacy and appreciation. I have said it before but it bears repeating: you never know the stories that people are carrying inside them. Hearing them is a gift and a reminder to be gentle with each other.
We took a break then and returned for our second workshop. This was about how although memoir is true, we need to employ the stylistic elements of fiction to keep the pages turning. We discussed show don’t tell, arrive late leave early, how to think scenes rather than chapters and how to recreate faithful dialogue, which can be engaging, entertaining and extremely useful for revealing character. We also discussed how careful we should or should not be about sharing our work especially with people who are involved in the story (and remember it differently!). We talked about how to take care with the feelings of others, or not. My advice is to write it all down, get it out of your mind for cathartic reasons and then consider carefully. Once it’s out there, you can’t get it back. After the weekend Anna from RedDoor shared an article with me about Nigel Slater and his magnificent memoir Toast. The headline: I regret over-sharing about my stepmother in my memoir. Food (sorry!) for thought.
Four writers shared again, some the same as before, some new. The stories were intense at times, heartbreaking, amusing too. Great listening was practised. This doesn’t always come naturally at a time when we are telling our own stories but to make this easier I use the feedback guidelines of Marta Zsabo. Marta is an incredible memoirist and memoir tutor. She runs the Authentic Writing program in America, based in New York state. I hosted Marta as she gave an Authentic Writing workshop here in the UK last year. It was incredible and I since adopted Marta’s guidelines of feeding back to your fellow writers how their work made you feel and not relating it back to your own experience. You know, “I loved that because it reminded me of when…” This sort of thing can be soul-destroying when you’ve just poured your heart out! There are other elements to Marta’s feedback guidelines of course. It makes for sincere sharing and always gets great feedback, even if people struggle to adhere at times!
Rather wonderfully, just when I thought everyone had shared and we were about to finish, a little voice from the front piped up – a brand new writer had got her bravery up and wanted to share. The story was enriching and the writing, like the author, was understated but wise and witty too. Definitely the type of writing that has a twinkle in its eye.
After a wonderful morning, we ate lunch and in the afternoon I held my one-to-one sessions. Some of the writers who hadn’t originally intended to do this, booked in after our morning together. Consequently it was a long afternoon. I expected to feel really tired afterwards but the opposite happened. Listening and exchanging ideas, often about structure, was invigorating in extreme. I often say that I think we read memoir to learn how to survive what life throws at us. I think that’s why I read memoir and why I am basically addicted to the genre. Of course this means that when I’m spending time with memoirists and hearing their stories I get the same experience, but firsthand. I can ask questions. The book and all its wisdom is in front of me.
One writer gave me pieces of her never before seen diaries. (It might sound glib but I am always humbled by the trust people place in me.) On reading the extracts I was reminded that some people are just hands down instinctive storytellers and I could say nothing but: “Wow, wow, wow. Do NOT stop! Do not!”
Another author filled me with the hope that a tumultuous life chapter doesn’t mean that you can’t find contentment. How often do you hear people say they are truly content? That their life is peaceful? That was joyful to witness.
A third showed me a life lived with a gratitude, grace and dignity that was truly staggering. Another gave me as much, if not more, than I could ever give her. Pieces of advice, emotional and practical, and nuggets of wisdom that I had no idea were coming my way, bowled me over and was given with tender generosity. The gifts just kept coming from everyone I sat with and for all the advice and encouragement I hopefully gave, I received and gleaned just as much. I went to my room for a rest before dinner feeling grateful and privileged.
Dinner on Saturday night was fab again and we enjoyed two really interesting, light-hearted and informative talks by two RedDoor authors. The first was Gail Marie Mitchell, author of Loving the Life Less Lived, an essential companion for anyone dealing with mental illness, with a focus on anxiety. I’m convinced that this is an unspoken epidemic, so I was thrilled to hear from Gail and know that she is spreading the word. The second talk by novelist and memoirist Alex Marsh was hilarious. Both authors talked about their journey to publication and warmly encouraged all the delegates.
(The next day, over lunch, Alex asked me if I recommend memoirs for people to read and before he could blink I had evangelically rattled off my favourites. This will be the topic for my next blogpost.)
On the Sunday morning we talked publishing and all the options. We learned how RedDoor works. They are a hybrid publishing house, a pioneer in the field and as far as they know, the only publishers working as they do – traditional structures coupled with author investment. You can read more about their unique niche here. There were lots and lots of questions and discussions that came from RedDoor’s presentation. I learned a great deal.
I was reminded that it is harder than ever before to get memoirs published traditionally and even if you do get a traditional publishing deal it’s not always the happy ending a writer has hoped for. However you are published, writers have to do so much work aside from the writing these days. It’s a labour of love, no doubt, but as Maya Angelou says, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Anna from RedDoor asked an important question about what success as a writer means to you individually. It can be different for everyone. For some it might mean nothing less than a six-figure advance and Meryl Streep playing you on screen. For others to give copies to friends and families is enough. Some want to see their book on the bookshop shelf, some on Amazon. And some just want to finish, print it out and pop their book in their bedside drawer. It is enough for some to leave their mark on the cave wall in this way. In my opinion it is always worth the work and a gift to the world. No one can tell the story you have to tell.
And then the weekend was over. Writers started to drift away, making their various cross-country journeys, friends now, with a shared goal, vowing to meet again. I hope someone organises a reunion, although not as a displacement activity when they should be writing haha! I took the longish drive back to Whitstable feeling inspired, renewed and full of ideas. But most of all I felt immense gratitude to: We Love Great Events for organising the retreat, the West Rocks Hotel for taking care of us, to RedDoor for inviting me to lead it, but mostly to the writers, for everything they gave me, and which I will carry with me always.
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Dear Marnie
Thank you so much, Marnie. You have been wonderful. Enjoyed the retreat – a whole new experience. I learned a lot. Thank you again.
Marnie knows her stuff. She is encouraging and insightful and used her knowledge of writing coupled with strong listening skills to guide me towards finishing my story. The retreat was intimate and provided me with lots of time to write and also time to spend with other writers. Thanks Marnie for a marvellous retreat.
Being on stage with Marnie at the Faversham Literary Festival was incredibly natural. The rapport between us was great. She managed to get best out of me and highlight the book in a very concise way, whilst being informative and funny yet respectful when discussing emotional aspects of the book. Marnie had obviously read the book and researched and planned…
Loved the online memoir writing course. As someone toying with whether memoir is the right way to go, Marnie gave insightful advice around structure, great examples of the ‘how’ along with on the spot exercises to flex the writing muscles straight into memory. I’d recommend the course for all levels, whether that’s a motivation boost to get you started or…
I thought that each lesson was a safe space to learn in. I like the fact that you can remain anonymous. With some online writing courses the other participants can see and hear you and you’re expected to share what you’ve written and interact live with people. Not everyone wants to do that. I loved the writing prompts and the…
I loved everything about the online memoir course. Marnie – you have a unique gift. You are compassionate, empathetic, intuitive and charismatic. It’s been lovely to learn from you.Even though I am still on the starting blocks you have helped me believe in myself.
I was a complete novice. The main thing I have taken away is your insistence to, “Just do it, just write and you can edit etc later. ”You gave me the productive mindset of doing rather than just thinking. I liked the format of the sessions, they suited me, and I am pleased to know I can revisit the sessions,…
Being part of the Cream Tea Memoir Crew was a pleasure and a joy. We spent the best part of a week huddled together, deep in the Devon countryside, surrounded by beautiful farmlands and rain! To have the freedom to write (or not) within this group was an experience I will never forget. Marnie has a gift for putting people…
I booked a retreat with Marnie about a year after first putting pen to paper. I had no idea what to expect but hoped to find direction, clarity and inspiration. I didn’t expect to find all of that and more. I came to her with pages of scatteredthoughts, questioning why I ever thought writing my Memoir was a good idea….
I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with Marnie at the memoir writing retreat in 2021. She’s so easy to talk to, non-judgemental, has a sharp sense of humour, and so much empathy; all qualities that make her perfect for coaching memoir writing. I will absolutely continue to work with Marnie as I progress with my…
There were so many good things about this retreat! I loved the total isolation from the world where all the ordinary things of daily life were put on hold. No work, cooking, washing, school pick-ups or involvement in the dramas of others lives. This “away time” was such a gift and gave me space to order my thoughts and see…
Those four days on the memoir writing retreat with Marnie were unforgettable, deeply enjoyable and like a ‘time out of time’. It was so valuable to meet and share with other memoirists in supportive and comfortable surroundings. Marnie ensured we all had personal time with her. If you are serious about writing your memoir, I recommend taking an enjoyable break…
I had the pleasure of working with Marnie as she carried out a manuscript assessment for my memoir. Marnie was referred to me by Jericho Writers. She’s truly an expert in her field. Marnie’s written feedback to me was valuable, relevant, insightful and very encouraging. She clearly set out the areas that were working and identified the key elements that…
With my current health problems, I do feel content and happy that I have been able to write my life story for my loved ones. My grandchildren are very young, but in the years to come they will enjoy and appreciate reading my memoir Darlo Boy. Thank you so much for your assistance Marnie.
I felt as if Marnie was holding my hand throughout. She wanted to do the very best for me. Her caring and compassionate nature was evident from day one. Apart from being extremely intuitive, her wonderful writing skills seemed contagious and I found myself expressing myself like I had never done before! She gently prised open my life without me…
If you’ve already written your memoirs but need a bit of guidance as well as an experienced memoir checker, then you need look no further. I contacted Marnie about a memoir I had already written entitled ‘The Life and Times of a Seminary Kid’ which was a humorous look at five years of my life at a priest’s training college. Initially,…
My books have arrived! I am so excited and delighted. You are the best ghostwriter. I felt totally comfortable confiding in you, and your kindness and understanding has helped me come to terms with things that have happened. I am sure you’ve helped a lot of people.
My memoir is written from different points of view. Marnie recommended adding more of my own emotions, that I sew the story together using my voice and feelings as the thread. She is open-minded and encouraged me by understanding the atmosphere I am trying to convey about a sensitive topic that informs the lives of three generations of women –…
Working with Marnie was a dream come true! She as so helpful and encouraging with my memoir, we corresponded a year before we started working together and she gave me very helpful advice from the start. We worked together editing my memoir over seven months. Marnie is very patient, understanding and kind, traits that are so important when writing a…
I found the entire process with Marnie as my ghostwriter to be cathartic in every way. Where I had felt nervous and anxious about putting pen to paper, I found myself feeling optimistic and often excited.
I wouldn’t have managed to do it (the launch or the book) without Marnie. If you know the story of Dumbo who thought he could not fly without holding the feather in his trunk, well I call Marnie my feather.
Marnie conducted my interview at the Whitstable Book Festival with skill and sensitivity. She was a good listener and took a genuine interest in her subject. We had a capacity audience for what was a very successful afternoon.
Once I had decided that I needed to write a memoir, the next question was: where on earth do I start? I am so grateful that it was Marnie’s website that caught my attention first, as from the very moment I spoke to Marnie, I knew I was in good hands.
I first met Marnie when she interviewed me at Harbour Books, Whitstable about my book Kill The Black One First – a memoir. I found her a very warm and helpful person. She was very well researched and her questions incisive and pertinent. She certainly helped make the event a success.
Throughout the whole editing process I felt both expertly held and simultaneously challenged to push my memoir to rewarding new heights. Marnie instinctively knows how to inspire with insightful suggestions whilst marshalling disparate strains of thought into cohesive order. My project was particularly exposing on a personal level and Marnie handled everything with extraordinary insight and sensitivity. I can’t imagine…
I was delighted when Marnie agreed to provide a workshop for the 2018 Kent Festival of Writing. Zuihitzu, the Japanese art of following the pen, proved a very attractive proposition for our delegates and we were oversubscribed. Neither Marnie or I wanted to turn anyone away, so it was a packed event!
Thank you for your help in making this happen, and for putting Neil’s words together so accurately. We were so pleased that the first draft arrived in time for us to read it as a family to Neil. I know he really enjoyed his couple of days with you. Thank you. Sarah Vines, brother of Neil, author of Powerful Beyond…
In the run-up weekend to our 2018 festival Marnie hosted a very well attended day of memoir-writing events, beginning with a moving, eloquent discussion in which she talked to author Sarah Pullen about her memoir A Mighty Boy. As an interviewer Marnie is a true professional, asking thought-provoking yet sensitive and heartfelt questions, and putting everyone at ease in that…
My darling, I have read the book from cover to cover out loud. It is a wonderful book. My excitement is so great darling, you’re a star. Let’s write another one! Lady Sandra Bates, seventh bunny at the original Playboy Club, London, and author of How To Be A Kept Woman
It was a pleasure working with Marnie on the Writer’s Weekend. She was approachable, professional and communicative in the lead-up to the event and during the weekend she was wonderful. All delegates commented on her kind manner, her knowledge, and her ability to bring out the best writing in them. I can highly recommend collaborating with Marnie, who would be…
While reading your feedback yesterday the hairs were literally standing on my arms because I knew you were the right person to make this manuscript the best it can be…
A couple of weeks after the Memoir Writing Weekend, I am reflecting on what a difference it has made. For a long while I have had a desire to share my story, I did not have a clue how or where to start. All I knew is that there was at least one story there to be told. The workshops…
All I knew was: I wanted to share my story, write my memoirs. I Googled ghostwriter and Marnie was the first person I contacted. Marnie made such a great first impression that I felt no need to look any further.
This was a brilliant weekend – way above my expectations. Marnie just knows about memoir and her presentations were superbly focussed and paced. It’s rare to find someone who combines a high level of professional knowledge with the relational skills that make it all work. If you are needing support with your writing, hire this woman! Edna Murdoch Director Coaching…
I found Marnie to be such an affable person. Not only that, but she gave me the confidence to finish my memoir.
I have been lucky enough to work with Marnie on several occasions where she has interviewed, hosted and compèred events I have been managing. Marnie is a joy to watch at work. When the lights dim and she takes the microphone, I feel totally at ease knowing that everything will be safe in her hands. Marnie has a real gift….
Marnie interviewed me about my memoir Have You Been Good? for Whit Lit in 2015. Before we met at the festival, we had a long telephone conversation and I was struck at how quickly she understood my book. Her intelligence, warmth and sensitivity made the interview on the day feel more like a conversation with an old friend. A year…
Thank you for interviewing me for my event at the London Fashion and Textile Museum in November, 2018. You made me feel so relaxed and I appreciate your unerring and priceless support. You made the talk possible for me and I’m incredibly grateful. Liz Wilson, owner of Eclectica Vintage
A very good service. As well as helping us write our memoirs about our adventures as wartime entertainers, Marnie arranged for us to be interviewed on BBC Radio 4, and organised a wonderful book launch for us at the Churchill Theatre, Bromley.
I attended the Red Door Memoir Writing Weekend because my daughter was one of the organisers and I wanted to support her and the Red Door publishing house. I was a little interested in memoir writing but now… I’m passionate about it.
Thank you Marnie for sharing your insightful and inspirational creativeness with me – well, and all of us. I loved the weekend and have come away full of excitement to write write write. Actually perhaps it’s more to organise organise organise! Oh well somehow I am determined to get my ‘stuff’ together. Thank you again. Penny Wadsworth
Absolutely loved every minute of this amazing memoir writing retreat, and the time spent with such lovely people, sharing their deeply touching life experiences. Special thanks to you Marnie for all your encouragement, support and know how. Marnie helped me with my first book and now I am going to write the sequel myself. Feeling truly inspired and motivated with…
I found the memoir retreat very inspiring. I was touched by Marnie’s professionalism as well as finesse in her comments. A truly enlightening weekend. Thank you so much for all the encouragement. Mona Radwan
Marnie is a truly special person with a wonderful gift. She is sincere and compassionate. I loved working with her. My book was rather complicated.
I’d just like to say a huge thank you for the dedication and passion you gave while ghostwriting with me.
Marnie ghosted our memoir of motorbiking around Europe for charity. The whole experience was very relaxed. Marnie was very friendly and accomodating yet professional.
I found the retreat very inspiring. I was touched by Marnie’s professionalism as well as finesse in her comments. A truly enlightening weekend. Thank you so much for all the encouragement. Hope to see many of the wonderful people I have met again. Meanwhile I wish all well.
Absolutely loved every minute of this amazing event, and the time spent with such lovely people, sharing their deeply touching life experiences.. Special thanks to you Marnie for all your encouragement,support and know how. Many thanks to the great team at RedDoor publishing, We Love Great Events and The West Rocks hotel staff for making the writers retreat weekend wonderful in every way.Feeling truly inspired and motivated with a healthy dose of self belief that I can actually do this now! Thank you all so much..
Thank you Marnie for sharing your insightful and inspirational creativeness with me – well, and all of us. I loved the weekend and have come away full of excitement to write write write. Actually perhaps it’s more to organise organise organise! Oh well somehow I am determined to get my ‘stuff’ together. Thank you again. Penny
I wanted to add to my comments above because I neglected to thank RedDoor Publishing and We Love Great Events for organising this event. Also the staff at West Rocks Hotel – what a little gem of a place and the staff couldn’t have been more helpful – brilliant, thank you. To say to Marnie and all at RedDoor what a privilege it was to be part of this. Fabulous thank you.
I had a great weekend and really enjoyed it. In truth my memoir writing is little more than a thought, at least it was but now it might really take shape. I learned a huge amount about just being brave and having a go. I had a very good time with my fellow participants and loved the stories that they told, over dinner and on paper. I learned a lot more about human nature as well as about writing.
I found this a most interesting read – one which certainly gives me hope for the future.
I’m not a memoirist, nor do I read memoirs. Those I have dipped into – usually not getting past the third chapter, through boredom – have ‘put me off’. Too much ‘Grandad was a fireman; uncle Johnny had a club foot’ type history/context writing, for my liking. So, it was refreshing to read that a fiction-writing approach was being advocated.
I fully understand that context needs to be provided, but I like it to be shared with colour…humour …or as I more typically say, ‘a bit of sex appeal’ (not the carnal sort, though…..there’s always a time and place
I look forward to hearing details of your next retreat.
Yes, I think there’s room for both – it very much depends on the intended audience. But certainly, if one is hoping to find that wider audience then using the stylistic elements of fiction is advised most of the time. Do read memoir, Linda, since you’re writing one yourself. You are hoping to give other people an experience and it helps if you know what that experience is like yourself, in my opinion. Would you like some recommendations? I’ve checked and you’re on my newsletter list, so you’ll certainly get news of my next retreat which will likely be in Kent, late spring 2022.